


i'm out of my head, i know that you're scared (you're so golden)

by queenofwhitelies



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Communication matters everyone, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kink Discovery, Kink Negotiation, Light Angst, Omorashi, Roadtrip, Wetting, take my hand and we'll all learn a thing or two with these dumbasses struggling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28285317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofwhitelies/pseuds/queenofwhitelies
Summary: All it took was one look from thosegoddamndark eyes, the weight of Tori's shock and desire stripping Jade down of her remaining dignity.
Relationships: Tori Vega/Jade West
Comments: 11
Kudos: 235





	i'm out of my head, i know that you're scared (you're so golden)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my gays.  
> This fic is part of my good friend sc6997019's 2020 Omorashi Secret Santa!  
> Writing this one was a great experience - omo without delving into watersports is new territory for me, so let's see how I've done.
> 
> Hope y'all like it!

Jade being _difficult_ for the sake of inconveniencing people wasn't news to anybody, much less to Tori. However, the singer didn't really anticipate her girlfriend being this insufferable on their drive to visit Trina in college in San Francisco. It was the older Vega’s birthweek, her actual birthday being the next day, but Trina was too overwhelmed with upcoming finals to be able to travel back home to celebrate, which led to Tori and Jade going on a little roadtrip to surprise the bitch.

Things had been perfectly fine during the first few hours, Jade seemingly excited about getting out of town with Tori for a while since both of them were done with their own semesters - she even seemed enthusiastic to meet Trina and bully the oldest girl into buying them all drinks the next day, the improvement in the relationship between the two something Tori never thought she’d witness, but Jade was _really_ trying.

Precisely because of all of that, Tori couldn’t understand the reason for her girlfriend to have soured so drastically in the last hour. All she could remember was Jade being in a good mood, their pitstop for snacks at a roadside diner, then her lover pulling an one-eighty and snapping at Tori on her way out of the establishment, keys thrown at her for her to take over the wheel for the remainder of the trip.

No matter how casually Tori tried to approach the core of what might have happened, Jade would bark _no -_ even if nowadays, it was less of a bark and more of a quiet whine lacking any hint of a threat. Silence stretched out for a long time, and Tori succumbed to just letting it go with around thirty minutes left of their drive.

 _Maybe music will pacify her,_ the brunette thought, yet as soon as tan fingers touched the radio, blue eyes rolled barely two seconds into a song. 

"I goddamn hate this shitty station."

"It's.. my favorite? You're well aware of that." Amusement colored Tori's voice, far too used to Jade's broodiness making her antagonize her every little chance she got; the singer knew her girlfriend was working on it, and Jade also knew better than to ever say _actual_ hurtful things she didn't mean. As long as the writer's form of lashing out remained harmless like this, Tori could easily humor her a bit. Three times out of ten, it pulled Jade out of her funk, so.

"We can't all be perfect, Tori. I still love you, though, don't worry." Jade didn't sound mad - she wouldn't be playful back if she was -, so Tori thought they were on their way to lift her idiot’s spirits.

Of course, you can't get too confident when reading Jade. Barely five minutes later, Tori heard it - the pitiful, shaky whimper, so foreign in her girlfriend's voice. 

"Babe, are you o--"

"I'm _fine,_ Tori." Blue eyes purposefully avoided the concerned gaze from the one behind the wheel, the direct question taking them back to square one and causing Jade to close back up twice as much.

Lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed, Tori nodded only once, dropping it and focusing on the road ahead of them instead. It wasn't even like she was upset she had somehow done something wrong; they were good in that area of communication, always letting each other know if a mistake had been made so they could work it out together. Things were quite different when an issue was something personal to Jade, though. She just _wouldn't say anything,_ despite Tori reassuring her, time and time again, that she didn't only want to help with stress _she_ caused - Tori wanted to support her lover with whatever frustration she faced, whether it had anything to do with their relationship or not.

Before Tori could dwell too deeply in her own anxieties around what might be bothering her girlfriend, a sharp gasp slipped from the writer.

"Jade, seriously, _what's wrong?_ Are you in pain?" Panic was audible in Tori's voice, unsure of what the fuck to do when they drove down a freeway while her lover kept gasping and whining next to her.

 _"No._ Y-Yes. I.. I don't know, just."

"If you're gonna be sick, there's a bag in the glove com--"

"I'm not-- fuck, just _pull over!"_

"I _can't_ pull over, we're in the middle of a highway!"

The words earned yet another whine, Jade looking as miserable as one could, blue eyes slowly widening as she seemingly realized she'd waited too goddamn long.

Her form hunched forward, seatbelt forgotten about as her forehead rested against the dashboard, slender arms closing around herself.

“Was it something we ate, love? Traffic isn’t.. that bad. We’ll be there in like, twenty minutes,” The singer didn’t get to finish what she assumed would be reassuring, heart in her throat at how _panicked_ Jade’s whimper was at that information. Twenty minutes sounded like nothing to Tori after over five hours on the road, but if Jade’s shallow breaths and her restless hands gripping the leather seat were any indication, that amount of time sounded like fucking eternity.

It was distressing having to witness Jade in this state and feel so powerless when she just wouldn’t find her words to explain, Tori’s previous question about it maybe being her stomach getting a whispered _‘no.’_ in response. “Just.. have some water for me, we’ll be there in no time.”

“Tori, for fuck’s sake just shut up and _drive!”_ Jade groaned, but it sounded much more miserable than menacing, a trembling hand slipping under her skirt to cup herself desperately, “I don’t fucking need.. more water, d-do you want me to--” She bit her tongue firmly, realizing all at once that both her words and her movement put her on blast.

_Oh._

One glance and dark eyes caught every sign - inked thighs shutting tightly every little moment; shaky fingers fidgeting with the hem of Jade's favorite black skirt; chest heaving with every deep, unsteady breath the writer took; and at last, the unmistakable rush of blood to those pale cheeks, shame coloring the writer's flesh as azure eyes flickered away rapidly but not enough for Tori to miss the unreadable expression on her sharp features.

"You.. you need to piss." It wasn't a question, dark eyes returning to the road ahead of them to spare her lover the added embarrassment of her eyes watching her every move.

"Don't _s-say it!"_ Jade winced, more than obviously cringing at her own outburst, but she was fucking mortified enough as it was without Tori spelling it out, the word alone making pale skin heat up further with shame and other unnerving feelings she was much too overwhelmed to face.

"Since when are you embarrassed by dirty words? Is piss even considered cursing?" Tori swore she wasn't doing it on purpose, all of the hints that this was humiliating to Jade for a number of different reasons going right over her head. Mostly, the singer just felt puzzled. When could this have even gotten this bad? It took a minute, but the couple of stops they had along their drive began resurging, her mind struggling to recall Jade actually going to the restroom since they left her house earlier in the afternoon. The only time she was _sure_ her girlfriend excused herself was when they stopped for food, the shift in Jade's mood following that so jarring Tori didn't even consider something like this to be the reason. 

"Baby," She started, careful not to stare too much whenever her gaze took Jade in. "Didn't you go back at the diner? I went in, then you did too while I paid for our meal. I'm.. pretty sure I saw you go? You excused herself."

 _"No."_ Jesus, Jade's throat _sounded_ tight, voice strained as she gave in to defeat and cupped her crotch with one hand, no use in hiding the intensity of her suffering now that Tori knew she was nearly ruining her seat. "S-Some rude ass bitch went in right after you left the bathroom. Before I knew you.. you were done with the bill, urging us to g-go, I.." Blue eyes shut tightly, other hand gripping the dashboard as if it’d save her.

The helpless whimper that followed shook Tori to her core, realization finally hitting her full force - her girlfriend had been holding for so goddamn long, she was probably struggling twice as much as her body language let on.

During the long minutes that followed, Tori felt like she genuinely did not breathe. Her mind was split into focusing both on getting them to their destination fast and safely, and attending to Jade’s needs, whatever they were - first all her lover begged for was _silence,_ for Tori to not ask any more goddamn questions, but soon pale fingers were reaching for her shakily, sharp black claws sinking painfully into a tan thigh.

When the vehicle finally came to a stop, Jade was panting in the passenger seat, squirming pitifully in her stop, long locks of midnight covering from flushed cheeks from Tori’s sight. 

“Jade, sweetheart,” There was a quiver to Tori’s voice, hand resting hesitantly on the small of her girlfriend’s back, the contact causing the writer to flinch despite it being so gentle. “Come on, it’s a short little walk to Trina’s dorm. I’ll.. I’ll get you inside and then come back to find a better spot to park.” Her priorities had narrowed down to Jade’s comfort only, Tori forcing herself to push aside the dozens inappropriate thoughts about how the tormented noises slipping Jade’s clenched jaws now sounded _so similar_ to the moans and whines Tori ripped from her every night. This was painfully different and guilt sunk deep in her stomach just at her mind tracing the comparison in the first place.

“I..” It was expected for Jade to go nonverbal at this level of mortification, but it was kind of _a lot_ when all Tori had to go with were her reactions and her limits and she needed to know whether the other woman was even able to walk for those five minutes or if they’d have to find an alternative, _quick._

The singer took it upon herself to just leave the goddamn car and circle around to open the passenger’s door, extending a hand to her girlfriend.

Maybe it was how much Jade miscalculated just how needy and desperate she truly was; maybe it was the tiny wet spot left on the writer’s seat making it quite obvious control had slipped through Jade’s fingers once or twice during the ride and she’d leaked a bit - that was… _fine,_ it happened to the best of us, right? -; maybe it was even sheer mounting despair from being this vulnerable in front of a partner, but the trembling thing was barely able to keep her knees from giving out by the time she stepped out of the car, clinging to Tori like a lifeline.

“Just.. j-just hold my hand, and..” A sharp gasp brushed Tori’s ear, shivers rising in its wake, pale hands clutching to strong shoulders hopelessly. _“No._ N-No no no no no--” No amount of shutting her legs would solve it, the shift in position apparently being far too much for Jade’s bladder to handle, the most pathetic mewl of defeat colouring the air as her iron grip on restraint gave out.

Blood rang in Tori’s ears, their surroundings completely vanishing from her thoughts as her girlfriend clinged to her as tightly as she could, a strained sound rising in her own throat the second she _felt it -_ the unforgiving warmth seeping through the front of Tori’s jeans, coating part of her thigh. The singer had no immediate reaction other than taking a small step back, not so much out of shock but rather _concern_ for her lover because there was no way Jade would deal with what just happened well.

Much to Tori’s surprise, her girl was far from done, the lack of support from the singer’s body making Jade’s form press backwards against the car, knees quivering violently as every last drop of her dignity splashed soundly against cold concrete. Tori had endured this far without looking, but temptation won for breathtaking seconds, coffee eyes inexplicably drawn to the dampening fabric of Jade’s knee socks, the navy colour darkening the longer her girlfriend soaked herself.

Guilt might have destroyed Tori, if it wasn’t for Jade’s moans of relief sounding so deliciously coated in _arousal,_ as well as shame - even in her own confused lust-filled mindspace, Tori could read pleasure in her lover’s expression so easily. It was quite evident the emotional and physical turmoil Jade was experiencing was driven by more than simply letting herself _just go_ after holding in for so long. The desire and relief in Jade’s sharp features when she finally collapsed back against the side of her girl’s car, the last warm drops of piss cascading down her inner thighs left Tori just as speechless, both of their faces the goddamn definition of gay panic.

Call it queer luck, but fortunately not a single student in that campus witnessed the intense scene unfold, the spell only broken when Tori snapped out of it to frantically look around, needing to make sure her lover came down from this overwhelming of an experience as slowly and gradually as possible.

“Jade,” She murmured softly, ignoring the quiver to her own voice, taking a step closer so one hand could rest on the writer’s side, the other cradling a clenched jaw. “Just.. get back in the car for me? I don’t care about.. the seat, just wanna take you somewhere else.” Tori hoped with everything she had that her girl wouldn’t argue, fearing someone could walk by at any second and realize what had happened.

It didn’t take long after the intense relief for all of those suffocating feelings to overflow inside Jade, blue eyes glistening as she offered a quick nod, getting back in the car with shaky legs. 

This time, the silence didn’t feel deafening to Tori. No matter how many words she ached to say, her voice was nowhere to be found.

-

Around fifteen minutes later, they were making their way inside a small motel close to Trina’s college campus. It wouldn’t feel right to have a conversation in her car, with Jade still in her dripping wet clothes, and Tori could guess neither of them would want to face her sister immediately after all of this.

So here they were, setting a small bag down on an old furniture bed, avoiding each other’s eyes since they hopped back in the car. When Jade said she needed a shower before anything, Tori only told her to take as long as she needed. Her own head was a mess and she could use a few minutes to gather her thoughts and feelings too.

So… her girlfriend had a piss kink. Or something. Okay. That was… alright. Perhaps a bit surprising, and definitely something Tori needed a while to reflect on and get used to because it was new territory for her, but there had never been anything either of them wanted to experiment that was off limits up until this point. The issue was how _jarring_ everything was this afternoon. This just wasn’t how they did things - it shouldn’t be. Tori didn’t feel frustration as much as she felt confusion and empathy for her lover. It didn’t sound like Jade, to shove a secret kink of hers into Tori’s hands and expect her to know how to navigate it, or worse, not even give her the opportunity to have a say on whether or not it was something she was willing to try out. Yeah, they were both young and fairly new to kink as a whole, but something they both prioritized at all times was each other’s comfort - everything else, you just… learn together, as you go.

There was also the fact that Jade looked _genuinely_ mortified and ashamed, the entire time. It didn’t look like acting, like Jade had been playing up her misery to fulfill her little unnegotiated scene. Her lover had seemed humiliated beyond measure, and that was what made Tori’s heart ache the most, the realization that this might just have been a messy, embarrassing misunderstanding.

Tori was _not_ deliberately avoiding processing the fact that witnessing her girlfriend wet herself _and_ the front of her own jeans turned her on on some level. Of course not. She’d never avoid any discovery and its overwhelming potential, as the great and wise adult she was.

“You’re making that face again,” Jade said quietly as she walked back in the room, one of Tori’s oversized shirts covering her gorgeous form, damp midnight curls brushed over her right shoulder. “You know, the little scrunched up face you make when you’re thinking too hard. It’s pretty cute.”

“Yeah, well.. you’ve caught me off guard a couple times today.” There was a hint of amusement in Tori’s voice, enough to make it clear she was taking this lightheartedly, despite the few things she’d like to discuss.

A shower seemed to have done Jade some good, residual anxiety definitely still palpable in her body language as she approached the bed, but this was much better than the way she kept shutting Tori off earlier in the car every single time the singer asked how she was feeling.

“I know.. I’m really sorry.” A sigh left Jade as lowered herself on Tori’s lap, craving the physical contact and affection, the unspoken reassurance of tan fingers trailing up her spine all the encouragement Jade needed to begin. “That was.. _a lot,_ and it was probably weird and gross to you and I’m sorry I didn’t say--”

“Hold on, now,” Tori interrupted, wanting her lover to be able to just _talk,_ at last, but not on board with Jade’s approach at all. “Nothing was gross, it was just.. confusing, and scary, to not know what was wrong.” Dark eyes studied Jade’s face closely before she continued. “If you ever want to.. you know, _play like that,_ I need a heads up first, so we can talk about it and stuff.”

“Tori, I.. oh my fucking God.” There it was, heat colouring those pale cheeks almost instantly. “I wasn’t.. I’d never..” The writer took a deep, calming breath, slender fingers playing with the hem of her lover’s shirt as she mulled over exactly how to express herself. “I’d never force you into something like that without asking.. I’d never push an.. an _interest_ of mine on you without your consent. That wasn’t my intention, I..” Tori didn’t miss Jade’s inability to ever say _kink,_ or even _fantasy,_ eyes softening the clearer it became that this was a sensitive subject.

“Then what happened?” Full lips brushed Jade’s temple, Tori’s tone nothing short of soothing, patient and willing to sit here and listen until things became less shameful to her girlfriend.

“I just couldn’t _go!”_ Jade’s hands covered her own face, stress so obviously returning the longer she tried to explain. “You know I have.. issues, going in public, or bringing attention to it at all. Yeah, yeah, it’s a human necessity, fuck it, we all have our blocks with certain shit and this is mine. It’s just fucking _hard.”_ It was like the entire afternoon was playing behind those blue eyes, the writer’s face contorting in a grimace as specific moments most likely came to mind. “I promise you it wasn’t on purpose, I.. I’d never disrespect you like that. It was just so many hours holding back, I really thought I could make it. But then we left the car and,” There was no use in making her girlfriend retell all of it. Tori remembered in vivid detail - she really, _really_ did. “Just.. felt really good to let go.”

Those last words were so incredibly timid, Jade looking so uncharacteristically small, as if admitting to something she was afraid to say out loud. Tori wasn’t oblivious. They had their fair amount of kinks they explored frequently, but the fear of rejection over bringing up something your partner might be repulsed by was absolutely understandable. It just made her heart ache to know Jade would wait this long and let it escalate this way to approach it.

“I get it,” Tori whispered, her own voice subconsciously softer and quieter to her girl’s comfort. “You were having a hard time, you were embarrassed, and the.. the _relief_ caught you by surprise.” She was trying her best, unsure of what the right words even were, causing Jade discomfort the last thing Tori wanted. There was still a direction Tori wished to take with the conversation, however, needing to understand different aspects of it so she could gauge what was okay and what wasn’t, moving forward. “Has it ever felt that good before?”

Jade tried her best to hide it, but that sly little smirk still danced on her lips, head shaking slowly. “This is new to me, these feelings about it. It’s all new. So.. that makes having to go under pressure, or.. just even _saying_ that I have to go even harder. It’s mortifying, cause I know depending on the situation, it affects me. It-- it turns me on. The holding and.. the pushing myself to endure it for a little longer. The way it feels to finally give up control,” Shyly, blue eyes met burning coffee, Jade’s lip caught gently between her teeth. “..being all wet was nice, too. I’d never done that, I liked it. I know I shouldn’t have enjoyed it this much, without telling you first, I just.. didn’t even know I was setting myself up for that disaster and then it happened and it was overwhelming in the worst _and best_ way and--”

Tori cut off her girlfriend’s rambling with a slow kiss, firm hands gripping pale hips gently, giving her lover a grounding little squeeze. “I’m gonna need you to shut up for a little bit, babe,” The eyeroll followed by a smile that Tori earned set her heart alight, lips chasing Jade’s for a lingering kiss before pulling back once more to hold her gaze. “I don’t want you to feel bad for feeling good. My only concern was thinking you were doing it on purpose, out of fear of telling me about it some other way.” Lazily, slender fingers slipped under the fabric of her own shirt covering Jade’s form, tracing soothing patterns on the small of her back. 

“I think I’m kind of curious, too?” Tori had to address her own intense feelings about it eventually, right? If Jade was pushing through and articulating it to her the way she could, Tori might as well be just as honest. “It got to me, how obviously into it you were,” Dark eyes watched the wheels turning on her girlfriend’s head, the way Jade’s pupils nearly swallowed the azure color amusing Tori quite a bit - Jade’s arousal was so fucking easy to read in her gaze. “It was more about witnessing you _enjoying_ the sensations so much, and not you actually suffering. I’m not _that sadistic._ ” There was a time and a place and a context for all of it. Tori could definitely see a potential in watching Jade squirm and struggle to hold back under her orders, but with limits established beforehand. The mere memory of Jade looking in so much pain in the car and that powerless feeling of being completely in the dark and unable to help was not something Tori was thrilled to experience again.

“First of all, you’re full of shit. We both know you are,” Jade smirked, lazily turning on Tori’s lap so they were facing one another, inked pale thighs closing comfortably around her girl’s waist. “Second, I agree. You’re just.. a lot better at this than I am, but I’ll try my best. I know how much communication matters to you.. I know you wanna understand me. So I’ll try harder.” The sincere, tender moments like this were when Tori felt herself falling in love with this broody asshole all over again. “Also, at the risk of sounding disgustingly corny.. I appreciate you making that distinction. Makes me feel safe, in a way, knowing my desire affects you but that you weren’t just.. getting off on my misery. I wanna explore this together.”

Tori felt so content and proud of their progress she could cry. So instead of doing that, she went for Jade’s pride.

“You can’t say heartfelt shit like this while blushing. God, it’s _precious.”_

“Vega, you take that shit back or tomorrow I’ll tell Trina that you got horny at some random bitch pissing herself.”

“Random-- she’ll mock you twice as much if she knows it’s you! She won’t let you live it down.”

“Good thing she trusts me better. You’ll live knowing the truth and nobody will believe you.”

It was absurdly gratifying, knowing a day could go from absolute catastrophe to playful banter like this. Perhaps to other people the constant teasing might be maddening or even a tad immature, but it worked because to Tori, it felt right, and she knew Jade felt the same way. They were getting better at this - at growing up, at figuring themselves and what they liked out. To her, there was no there to go but up, as long as both of them were always willing to keep _listening._

**Author's Note:**

> Look at them, working out those boundaries as a team. Gay shit right there.  
> (Also real quick, turn up for Trina, fuck it up if it's your birthday biiiitch)
> 
> [Title from _"Golden"_ , by Harry Styles. Yes. I went there.]
> 
> MERRY PISSMAS EVERYONE! (and haPPY HOLIDAYS! I'd love to have a piss pun for this, too, but it's deadass 8am.)


End file.
